This month's story about a crafty Fox is by author and Yeld community member Whiteyes
Fox Heist, by Whiteyes
Alright children, listen well and I will tell you a story. Once upon a time in the magical land of Yeld (but not too long ago mind you) there lived a Fox by the name of Bramble. Now Bramble was a humble Fox of less than stellar looks. His fur was a bit too dull of a red, his teeth weren’t the sharpest, and his paws were slightly too small. Oh sure the King’s People said that he looked fine or that they couldn’t tell, but they didn’t even have real fur or fangs so what did they know? Still the fact that they couldn’t tell how awful he looked made Bramble like King’s People just that bit more. They made him feel like he was just a little bit more special. As such he loved to travel to their villages to meet new people. So he would wander around the forest at almost random, looking to find new villages all the time. He loved finding new places and preferred that to going back to the old ones.
It was during one of his wanderings that he came upon the village of Rutabaga Celery and Squash. It was a farming town that mostly grew, you guessed it, pumpkins. It used to grow the others long ago, but as the decades went by they had lost more and more farm lands, and farmers, until they could really only grow one kind of squash. And when Bramble found the town it seemed worse off than even that. The people were weeping in the streets, doors and windows broken. Some didn’t even have proper clothes, wearing bed sheets, towels, and boxes!
Confused and concerned, Bramble asked what had happened. The mayor of the town, who himself was wearing an empty barrel fitted with suspenders, was willing to explain. The town had just been visited by a Tax Collector, one much worse than the usual kind. The Tax Collector, one Sir Charge Pennypincher, came and took all of the town’s money. That wouldn’t have been too bad, Tax Collectors had done so before, but it hadn’t stopped there. Sir Charge kept on listing off more and more taxes and fees, many of which sounded made up like a “breathing tax” and a “blinking toll”. And once all the money ran out Sir Charge and his thugs started taking other things to “cover the remaining balance”. He took their pots and pans, their farming tools, their spinning wheels, family heirlooms, furniture, and even their clothes! They even took all of their food, and that included most of what they were growing in the field. With all of their food and money taken there was no chance that the village would survive the winter, which was just ten days away. They would have to abandon the town and Rutabaga Celery and Squash would become just another ruin.
Bramble felt sorry for these poor people, and rage at how greedy and cruel the Tax Collector had been. As such he resolved to do something about it. Now Bramble had never done anything so brave or dangerous before, but he couldn’t just stand aside and watch a whole town fall into ruin.
Needing a disguise, Bramble used his travel knife to cut off a section from the bottom of his green tunic. Cutting out some eye holes and using some string he made a simple mask to hide his identity. Now with a disguise Bramble snuck out into the woods to find the greedy men. He had never done any real sneaking before, but he was a Fox and he hoped that would be enough.
It didn’t take him long to find the Tax Collector and his thugs, a pair of large and heavily armed Fairies. The soldiers were stuck pulling a huge, ginormous cart loaded to the brim with all the stuff they had stolen as “taxes”. They were going very slow, complaining all the way. It seems that they had taken so much stuff that all the weight was slowing them down a whole lot. Especially the giant chest at the top, which they said must have weighed as much as the rest of the cart because it contained what felt like all the coins ever made. It was obvious that Sir Charge had taken from a lot more places than the village of Rutabaga Celery and Squash. Bramble knew that before he could work out how to get the stuff back to where it belonged he had to get it back first. Now then Bramble was a healthy Fox, but he was still just a Fox and Fairies were bigger than most King’s Folk, let alone such a small member of the Animal Tribes.
But Bramble was a Fox, and Foxes are very clever. When night came, and the Tax Collector’s group slept, he crept into the camp and got to work stealing what he could. Farming equipment, weaving material, pots and pans, and whatever else Bramble could sneak out quickly. To keep them from realizing things were being taken he hid rocks in the bottom of the wagon so that it would be just as heavy and slow as before. Bramble did this for three nights, and feeling emboldened by his success decided to do more. He made a wheel loose so it would fall off so they would lose a day fixing it. He used a scroll he had won from a Mermaid to flood a section of the road so that when the cart came through it sank into the sticky mud. He snuck pebbles into Sir Charge’s shoes so he wouldn’t want to walk too much that day.
In this way Bramble added a couple extra days to the journey, but he knew time was running out. As much as all the stuff he stole would help he still had to get the coins from that chest. And from what the guards were saying they would arrive at a Fairy fortress tomorrow. So Bramble only had one night to get the coins. But it was such a big chest and he was such a little Fox there was no way he could lift the thing. But luckily Bramble was a Fox, and like I said Foxes are very clever.
That night Bramble snuck up to the chest with a bunch of empty bags, as well as a couple bags of rocks. He started to pick the lock when suddenly the whole area lit up! The guards were waiting for him and had set a trap! They laughed cruelly, and told the Fox that they had found the rocks while digging the cart out of the mud. They knew he was stealing stuff so they set a trap for him! They swung their huge clubs to try and crush the Fox, but Bramble ducked and rolled and hopped out of the way. Running quickly, Bramble ducked under the large bodies of his enemies, slipping out between their legs. Shouting in anger, the Fairy guards chased after him. They were relentless and nothing Bramble did seemed to lose them.
When Bramble tried to hide in a tree they set the tree on fire, and he had to leap to safety in another tree. One he quickly climbed down before they could set fire to it too. When Bramble slipped through some thorn bushes that would stop something as big as a Fairy, the two guards just pulled out axes and chopped their way through. When Bramble swam across a river, almost drowning in the attempt, he was dismayed to see that the Fairies were tall enough that they could just walk across; the water barely came up to their chest! Bramble tried to make false trails to lead them away, but he had never done so before and the experienced guards saw through his tricks. So in the end Bramble had to just run and run. Thankfully it worked, the swift and small Fox able to move through the forest much faster than the big, bulky, chubby Fairies.
Tired from their long chase the guards decided to just head back to their camp. They had chased off the thief, and once they dropped off the stuff at the fortress they could get some more men to help them chase the Fox down. So they headed back to camp just as the sun started to rise. Which is when Sir Charge woke up and told them to get to work pulling the cart, no excuses!
The guards were almost collapsing with exhaustion when they finally reached the fortress that evening. Seeing what bad shape the guards were in the commander asked what had happened. The guards told him about how they found out about the thief and set a trap for him, but the Fox had managed to escape. The commander wasn’t impressed by how they let the thief escape, and Pennypincher was mad they hadn’t told him about it either, but they agreed that keeping the treasure safe was at least a decent enough job. Their attitude changed considerably when they opened the chest and, instead of finding a bazillion coins, they found rocks. Lots and lots of rocks. And a note on top. Picking up the note, the commander cleared their throat and read it out loud.
Dear morons, Thank you for spending all your time chasing our decoy. We truly appreciate the donation to our cause. We will be sure to use this money well to purchase many swords and suits of armor. We hope you have a miserable day.
With Hate,
The Oathbreakers.
Needless to say, the commander was not pleased. They were even less pleased when Sir Charge tried to take a bite of pumpkin and found out it was a painted rock. The guards got stuck scrubbing toilets for a long, long, looong time.
In the end of course there weren’t any Oathbreakers. What had happened instead was that Bramble was more clever than they thought. Bramble had realized that the guards suddenly talking very loudly about how close they were to the fortress was suspicious. The fact that they kept doing so even more so. Realizing it was a trap, Bramble had an idea. Hurrying all the way back, running an entire day while Sir Charge was slowed down by the pebbles in his shoes, he managed to get to Rutabaga Celery and Squash. There he got a group of brave volunteers who spent all that night catching up with the caravan. The next night, as Bramble walked into the trap to lead the guards on a chase, the villagers quickly got to work. They used the empty bags he dropped to carry out all the coins and filled the box with rocks. Once that was done they took a lot more stuff, especially the food. They couldn’t take everything. They didn’t have enough time and they couldn’t risk the guards realizing what was going on before they could get away. By the time the Tax Collector and his guards arrived at the fortress the villagers had arrived home with all that they could take.
The town had a party to celebrate. Not a huge one, but the town was saved so they needed to celebrate at least a little. The mayor, now wearing real clothes instead of a barrel, thanked Bramble and promised that they would get the coins spread out to the other nearby towns the Tax Collector had visited. In honor of the brave Fox, they decided to rename their town. What did they rename it to? Why Bramble Hollow of course. Why yes, that is the name of our town. But if any Tax Collectors ask, it’s just a story.